The Absence of Despair
by RubyRedSpiderLily
Summary: There is no need to know or understand. Whether you do or don't matters not. You will forever continue to exist. You will forever leave loved ones behind. Forever walk. And forever suffer. First story. Rating may go up in future. OC. Not a self Insert.
1. PROLOGUE

**Hey guys. This is my first fanfic, so please go easy on me. I've had this idea so a while now. Hope you enjoy!**

_Thoughts_

"Talking"

**Entity**

**Warning: Strong language ahead. **

* * *

**PROLOGUE**

* * *

.

.

.

** The world is a cruel place**

.

_N-no! Please don't-!_

_._

**But it's also very beautiful **

.

I_ don't want to die!_

_._

**It's a shame most of us can't see it**

.

_Sorry. It's nothing personal._

_._

**Did I regret what I did?**

.

_*BANG*_

_._

**No, not really**

.

_Oh! I __love__ that look on your face!_

_._

**Would I do it again?**

.

_That DESPAIR!_

_._

**I don't know. Maybe.**

.

_I hate you..._

_._

**But it's not like it matters. Not now.**

.

_Why did this happen?_

_._

**Or maybe it never did.**

.

_I HATE YOU!_

_._

**Even if I didn't do what I did...**

.

_I'LL SHOW YOU! IM STRONG! I DONT __NEED__ YOU!_

_._

**I'd probably still be where I am now.**

.

_I'LL KILL YOU!_

* * *

_Where am I?_

_Darkness. Nothing but darkness._

"H-hey...Is any one here?" I called out. I didn't know what was happening. Where was I? Where was everyone else?

I looked at my surroundings and saw nothing. Just nothing. I shuttered as my body slowly begun to feel fear and my heart begin to pound in my chest. _Fuck man, what is this? _

I mean, you'd freak too if you randomly woke up in some sort of black void.

_This better not be some kind of sick joke._

Of course, who was I to talk.

Here I stood surrounded by nothingness. Just a black space that looks like it could on forever. I tried to calm myself by closing my eyes and take deep breaths. Not that that really works,(for me that is)but I tried it anyways.

'_Come on. You're better than this_,' I told myself.

I continued doing this for a while and finally, my heart begun to slow. Just as I felt myself begin to calm, I heard a low voice.

**Why, hello there.**

"Wha...?"

_Who the hell? _I whipped my head around to look for the source of the voice. But strange enough, couldn't find it. _But it sounded so close..._

**Do not bother trying to look for me. You won't succeed.**

"Who are you?" Fear again, trying to take hold of me. Trying to appear strong, I put my blank face on which was something I learned a long time ago. The voice sounded male, definitely an adult. Sounded middle age. Actually, he sounded like he'd be able to narrate a children's book or something.

I shook my head. Now was not the time for that.

**Yes, introductions seems like a good place to start. I have no name. There is no reason to have one. I am an entity that was once part of the energy that makes up this universe.**

_What? And what the hell is that supposed to mean?_

**It's just as I said, Ms. Joyer.**

I growled. "Don't you _ever_ call me that," I told it. Hold dare he. That was _her_ name. That bitch.

**My apologies then, Ms-**

"Just call me Scarlet." I cut him off. Though Scarlet wasn't my real name, I was quite fond of it.

**Very well, Ms. Scarlet. **Whatever. It was better than _her_ name.

"Anyway, you said you were an entity that's part of the universe, or something..." I drifted off. Like l'd believe Something like that. What bullshit.

**Believe what you will. It is the truth and soon you will be forced to face it. **He said this as if he was trying to explain this to a child.

"Whatever. Where are we?" I just wanted to go home.

**You are in a space that is nowhere and yet everywhere. This place both exists and doesn't. As for going home you cannot. Don't you remember?**

"What do you mean I can't go home?! And stop speaking in fucking riddles!" I demanded. I was seriously getting angry. Just who the hell is this guy?!

**Please calm yourself, we don't have a lot of time. And I've already told you, I'm an entity born from the energy of this universe. Im just telling you what you want to know, Ms. Scarlet, why are you getting upset with me?**

"Tell me what you meant when you said I couldn't go home? Why can't I?" I asked, just barely containing my anger.

**Well, you see...**

Yes?

**You are dead.**

_What...?_

* * *

*_SIZZLE_*

.

*_CRACKLE_*

_._

_Fire..._

_._

_"HAHAHAHAHA! GO AHEAD! SHOOT ME! YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN M-!"_

.

*_BANG_*

_._

_Blood..._

_._

_*THUMP*_

_._

_Silence..._

* * *

Oh.

I remember now.

I died.

...

**Ms. Scarlet?**

"...Yes?" I replied in a weak voice.

**Are you feeling alright?**

Bitter. I felt Bitter. And disappointment. _Of course. I've should have seen this coming. This is hell, isn't it? Wow. I actually thought that I could've lived a while longer after that_ _big_ "_event". How foolish of me. Not that I deserved to live longer. _But still...

No, the world doesn't work that way. It doesn't matter if you deserved something or not. It could easily be taken._ If only I had been more _careful_._

**Hell only exist in the mind, Ms. Scarlet. This is not Hell.**

So Hell really doesn't exist?

...?

...!

"Wait," I just realized. "How do you keep doing that?"

**Hm? Doing what?** I heard confusion in his voice.

"Reading my mind. How?!"

**Oh! Well, it's quite simple really. I've attached myself to your subconscious**.

"Wha?! Why?! And who the _fuck_ gave you permission?"

**Please trust me. It's all completely necessary. Actually, we have a bit of time left. Let me tell you what I can from the start. And everything else later.**

Later?

**Please save your questions for the end. Please.**

I paused and nodded. Let's just get this over with. I was eager for answers And if I stayed here any longer, I'd lose my mind.

**Good. Now, if you don't mind. let us begin.**

* * *

**Haha! A Cliffhanger~! I did my best, so please understand that I may or may not get better with time. laters!**


	2. PROLOGUE part 2

**Hey! As you can see, I updated again. That's probably going to happen almost every weekend. Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

**How about we'll start with what you are. Or will be. **

I nodded uncertain. What was that supposed to mean?

**Alright then.** **When a organism's life finally extinguishes, it goes to neither heaven nor hell. At least not in this world.**

"This world?" I asked confused.

**Did you think this was the only one?**

_Well...not _really_._ I figured if this one existed, why not others? There's still _so_ much us humans don't know.

I remembered back home, I'd watch videos on TV when I wasn't working, or on the internet about different galaxies or theories on worm holes, how much of the universe is out there, and how _little_ we know.

Shouldn't be surprised really.

**Anyway, to put it simply when something dies in this world, nothing happens. They're simply put into eternal rest.** He paused as if he wanted me to confirm if he could continue.

"Go on," I told him.

**But there's a one in five thousand chance of that not happening. Congrats. You're that one out of five thousand.**

_What is that supposed to mean? If I don't sleep eternally, then what will happen? _I was beginning to worry.

**You see, when someone with a strong will and/or emotion dies, they...come back in a sense. **He sighed.** This is where things get a little complicated.**

"Explain," I demanded.

**You evolve.**

"Excuse me?"

**You become something that's not human. Something stronger and smarter. Something ****_different_****.**

"I'm...not getting it." The _fuck_ are you going on about?

**Think of it like this. Many years ago, Humans evolved from apes. This situation is not very different.**

"So...what will happen?" I was _so_ confused.

**Y-** He started but suddenly stopped. **Oh.**

Oh?

**My apologies. it appears our time is up.** What? What was that supposed to mean?

"What?! No! I still need more answers!"

**I've said this before, I've attached myself to your subconscious. I'm not going anywhere**.

"Then what-" I started but was interrupted when suddenly a bright light began engulf The black space from beneath me.

"Ah!"

_Darkness..._

* * *

*_SIZZLE_*

.

*_CRACKLE_*

_._

_Fire..._

_._

_"HAHAHAHAHA! GO AHEAD! SHOOT ME! YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN M-!"_

.

*_BANG_*

_._

_Blood..._

_._

_*THUMP*_

_._

_Silence..._

_._

_Pathetic..._

* * *

_Hm...ug..._

**Wake up. **That voice.

I turned trying to ignore it.

_Shit!_ My _head. _It felt as if there were a hundred drums playing in my head and all the drummers had hangovers. _Oh God, just kill me now!_ I begged_. And why was it so _cold_?_

**Its time to wake up, Ms. Scarlet**_._

I've got to stop listening to Eagle about late night drinking_. That was one shit storm of a dream._

**You were not dreaming, Ms. Scarlet.**

Nooooo. I _was_ dreaming. Night night.

**I realize that you are tired, but I do not think this is the best place to rest.**

Confused, I slowly cracked open an eye, but quickly close it again. My eyes needed to adjust to the light. Not to mention that _damned_ headache.

**That headache will pass soon. It's just a side effect from the change.**

Change? Does that mean...?

**Yes, you are no longer human. Congratulations.**

I honestly didn't know how I felt about that. This was all happening so fast. But it wasn't like I was leaving anything behind. Well except Eagle, but he'll be fine.

Slowly I opened both eyes.

The first thing I saw was red, brown, gold, orange, and yellow.

_Leaves_. I was surrounded by them.

I slowly stood up; my was headache slowly fading away. I looked at my surroundings.

In every direction I looked, there were trees. I assume from the coloring that it was autumn. Wherever we were. Dead colored leaves fell from the trees littering the ground, as light peeked through the branches of the trees.

"Where are we exactly?" I asked expecting an answer.

**I'm not where we are _exactly_, but- **I cut him off.

Well, aren't you helpful?

Hey...Was it me or did everything seems kinda big?

**Maybe you should take a look at yourself. **The voice in my head oh so helpfully said.

I looked down at myself and almost choked on my spit. "Wha-what?!" I almost yelled.

I looked down at my hands and saw tiny little fingers.

Oh god...

Look at the rest of me and almost screamed. What was _that_ doing there?! And where are my clothes?!

This can't be happening.

Here I stood in a body of a child. But oh no, that wasn't all.

"I'm a boy!" No! No! _No!_ My womanhood was _gone_! How could this have _happened_?

**Do not fret. You must have some sort of defect. A rebirth defect.** His voice sounded slightly amused.

Oh, You think you're so funny? That joke sucked.

**My apologies. I'm sure this has happened to others.**

"Wait. By defect, you mean this wasn't supposed to happen?" I asked fearing the answer.

**Well, no. But don't worry. It'll be alright. **He said reassuringly.

"Don't worry? Are you fucking insane!"

**Please calm down, Ms. Scarlet.**

"I am calm! _You_ calm down! First, I die, I wake up in some black space, I pass out, I wake up _again_, and I'm in the body of a child. A male child. A naked male child. In the forest. Yeah, I'll be calm."

**Please, Ms. Scarlett. Yelling won't solve your all your problems.**

I was about ready to pull my hair out when I heard talking from a distance.

Who the hell...?

Curiously and cautiously, I move closer to the source. "People,"I whispered. _Maybe they can help me out. _I thought to myself. I really needed some clothes and maybe some directions. Shelter and food would nice too.

As I moved closer to the source of the voices, I spotted them and quickly hid. I dodged into some random bushes and peeked through them. They were still talking among themselves.

_Looks like they didn't see me._ I thought to myself. Good.

I moved a little closer to get a better look.

_"Ne pel, Nana!"_Yelled a deep voice.

"Ai mo, felis!"Replied an annoyed feminine voice

_"Ahahaha!"_ The third voice laughed.

_What language is this? And were they wearing? _

There were three of them. One of them was a well toned young man with short brown hair. He was wearing dark brown trousers, a white button up shirt with his sleeves rolled up, simple brown shoes, and a dark blue scarf with a neat, but unimportant design on it.

The second was a young girl with dirty blond hair that was held into a loose ponytail. She wore a long beige dress, a pink sweater, and plain pink boots.

Finally the third and youngest, who was a young boy that looked maybe 11 or 12? He was wearing an orange shirt, a short light brown jacket, dark brown shorts, and boots.

They were dressed as if they lived in a Village or something.

**Maybe they do. **The entity suggested. I ignored him.

Something else I noticed was that they were all carrying wood on their backs.

**For a fire maybe?**

Oh and they also had a dog.

Speaking of the dog...

**_Bark! Bark!_**

_"Hm? Uo fre, Rover?" _

**Bark! ****_Bark! _**The dog began sprinting towards us.

Fuck it must have smelled me!

**Or maybe your not as quiet as you thought you were?**

Go suck a dick.

_"Rover!"_

**_Bark!_**

_Oh fuck me._

* * *

_**And there it is! Another chapter! Please review!**_


	3. Chapter 1

**I'm back with a new chapter! Enjoy!**

"Talking"

**Entity talking **

_Thinking_

_"Unknown language"_

* * *

**Chapter 1**

_Bark!_

_Oh fuck me._

Just as the dog reached us, I stood from my hiding spot and fled. My dirt covered bare feet hitting the ground with every step with a _crunch_ as dead leaves crumbled under them. I didn't get very far as the large brown dog easily caught up. Though It was expected. My legs were far too small and I still had yet to get a hang of this body.

I panted, still trying to out run the large dog. The dog barked again and the next thing I knew, I was eating a face full of dirt and felt something heavy on top of me.

"Get _off_!" I yelled out in anger and annoyance. I wildly thrashed my limbs in an pathetic attempt to get free, but the damned dog just growled.

_"Rover!__" _I barely heard from a distance. Probably the girl.

"_Uo iss...Uo nemu_?" Eldest male most likely said. I didn't know what they were saying, but judging by the tone in in his voice, he sounded curious, but also slightly cautious.

I heard footsteps slowly getting closer. I stopped struggling.

_"Rover. Tainen,__" _I felt the dog's weight slowly lift off of me. I turned my head towards the three standing about four feet away from me. The look on their faces were surprise. Most likely because there's a dirty, naked child, that appeared out of no where, sitting right in front of them.

Surprise quickly being replaced from the girls face with concern, she ran over to me and grabbed my shoulders.

_"Lemu ai, wuni?" _She was asking me a question. Her tone sounded as if she was asking if I was alright. As if she was a mother talking to her child after he tripped. I slowly nodded, a blank look on my face. She then proceeded to remove her buttoned sweater and wrap it around my shoulders.

"Wênth fore momi? Qwe elle sim?" The young blond asked again. I looked up at her in confusion. What she saying?

"Uhhh...I...can't understand..." I told her. It was her turn to look confused.

She turned her head to her companions. They also looked confused. She turned her head back towards me and asked,_"Cin yu beke töe Aranian?"_

I shook my head and again told her I didn't understand.

The other two began to make their way towards me. The younger blond boy, who I decided to name Carl, had a curious look in his eye, while the oldest, who I decided to name John Smith (just cause I can) couldn't look more confused. They both kneeled in front of me.

_"Lemu,"_ He paused. "Jem ui yamitate?" John asked. The other two looked at him as if he was fucking stupid. What'd he say?

Carl then said something the the brunet which caused him to snap back. There was a mini argument, but the girl, who I'll call blonde, intervened. She scolded them. Turning her attention back to me, she pointed to herself and said _"Nana."_

I blinked. _What? _

Again, she pointed to herself and repeated _"Nana." _

The other two quickly got what she was trying to do and mimicked her.

_"Adem," _Carl said also pointing to himself.

_"Coelen. Ei Coelen," said john doing the same._

Oh! Those were their _names! _Fucking duh!

...

...

...

It then occurred to me that they were waiting for me to do the same. Should I? Scarlet is a girls name. Then again, they probably don't know that. We're speaking two different languages. Might as well.

They must have thought that I didn't understand because Blonde or "Nana", once again repeated here name, but I cut her off half way. "Scarlet," I told them.

"_Scare-lit?_" Carl or "Adem" tried to pronounce.

"Scar-let." I corrected him.

"_Scar-lit_," The girl tried. I nodded. Close enough.

She stood, took my hand, and began to walk back to the path I had ran from. Where were we going?

John aka "Coelen" asked Blond something to which she replied with something else. They talked back and forth for while and eventually, John quieted down.

I stopped listening since I couldn't understand them anyway and instead, talked with the voice currently living in my head.

**You're going with them? **The voice asked.**  
**

_Might as well. I don't know were I am or anything else for that matter._

**If you were going to go with them anyway, then why bother running?**

_That dog looked hungry_.

**Don't be over-dramatic. **

_It could smell my fear._

**Ms. Scarlet, **He sighed.

_I swear I saw foam coming from it's mouth._

_**But don't you love dogs, Ms. Scarlet?**_

It's true. I _do_ love dogs. I also loved cats, and a shit ton of other animals. I always have. I almost always found them cute. The only animals I didn't like were wild rats and mice, certain types of fish, and _pigeons_. I _hate_ pigeons.

_Yes. But that dog is different. I can _sense_ it. _

**No you can't, Ms. Scarlet. **

_Maybe not, but it still chased me while growling. Why wouldn't I run?_

Whatever the voice was going to say was quickly cut off by the girl holding my hand. "_Teke herii!_" She exlamied. I glanced up at the huge wooden wall that I somehow missed.

"Wow," I mouthed in surprised. That thing's huge! The wooden gates were open and and inside were several bricked and wooden houses. I could see people wearing clothes similar to the ones that were being worn by the three standing near me.

_Wow, it _was_ a village._

**Yes. You really should listen to me more.**

_No._

"_Ne pal_," I turned my attention towards Blond as she pulled me along towards the village. She started talking about who knows what to the other two and they said something back. Blond nodded.

**Looks like they've reached an agreement. **The voice pointed out.

I nodded, but said nothing.

The boys then looked at me, waved, said something I couldn't understand, and left dog in tow.

Uh. Where are they going?

While we were walking on the now stone path, I noticed that a few people were staring at me. Not that I blame them.

We continued to our destination which turn out to be one of the small brick houses. Blonde (Look, I don't care what their names are, they are now what I call them) opened the wooden door and stepped inside.

The house was...It wasn't much. There were a few framed pictures on the walls and table, two small couches that pointed towards the fire place. There was a large brown rug under the furniture and three small windows. The kitchen was small and was connected to the room with the fire place. On the other side of the kitchen was another door which was probably the back door. There was a small hall, two doors on both sides were I assumed lead to the bedrooms and or bathroom. If they have one. I don't know, this place is old fashion.

I let Blonde lead me to one of the couches and sat down as she disapeared into the one of the rooms with her wood. When she came back, she was without them. She sat down in the seat next to me with a thoughtful look on her face.

"_Hmm_," she seemed to be pondering. "_Demode, demobe_." This language sounds stupid.

I continued to watch her not knowing what to do when Blonde's face suddenly changed from a thoughtful one to realization. She jumped up from her sit, said something to me, and then disappeared into another room.

What was that about?

I heard several noises after that and about a minute or two later, she came back, but not empty handed. She was holding several pieces of paper and what looked like crayons. The blonde sat down and began to draw. I watched with interest.

When she was finished, she held up her drawing. It was a shitty drawing of what looked like a man, woman, a little girl, and a little boy. Blonde pointed to the picture. "_Wesiris_," she said.

_Family. _That's what the picture was.

A familiar feeling filled my chest. It wasn't a pleasant feeling.

Blonde pointed to it again and said something that sounded like a question. When I didn't reply, she again pointed to both parents and asked again slowly. Was she asking where they were?

In that case...

Took the picture and crayon from her and drew 'x's on all three but the girl.

I gave the paper back to Blonde. When she saw it she looked confused. Then realization hit. She grabbed another piece of paper and drew. When she was done, she showed me her drawing. It was a grave stone. I nodded. She frowned and said something else I couldn't understand.

The front door opened "_Kel meil!_" It was the two boys and dog. Blonde turned her attention to the two. Just as they were making there way towards, John tripped over his own feet and hit the ground with a _thud_.

"_Akie!_" John yelled in pain.

"_Coelen!_" Blonde snapped at him while covering my ears. He must have just swore. Haha.

"_Yen ai!_" He sounded apologetic.

Blonde sighed. "_Jo bun take hoppen frite_." Blonde glared at him. "_Demmu_?"

John flinched and nodded.

"Akie." I repeated. Blonde, John, and Carl all snapped there heads towards me.

...

...

...

...

_Slap!_

"_Owww!_"

"_Duni!_"

I laughed.

**You're evil.**

I know.

* * *

_It's late._

**I know, Ms. Scarlet.**

_You can drop the Ms. You know._

The last few hours where nothing but the two eldest villagers talking and Carl trying to teach me a few words in their language by pointing at random objects and saying it's name. I in turn, taught him a few English words. After that, Blonde gave me a bath, or at least tried to. I didn't want some stranger touching me, so I bathed myself. She gave me a large white shirt and some old small pants and I put them on after I dried off. They probably hers-no the boy's in the picture. Her little brother, perhaps? They decided that I would stay with Blonde for now and that I should take the extra room in the hall. The room was pretty empty except for the bed and small dresser with a mirror. I took a step to look in it.

There staring back at me was a little boy who looked about four or five years old. His messy, short black hair almost covered his eyes which were a dull grey color. Under them were barely noticeable bags due to past stress. I sighed. I _still_ can't believe this is all happening. I turned away from the mirror, walk to the bed, and laid down.

_Hey this bed is pretty comfortable._

_..._

_...Hey. __I should really give you a name._

**A name? There is no need for one.**

_Of course there is! I can't keep calling you 'voice'. That's stupid._

He gave in. **Fine. Do what you want. **

_Any preferences?_

**No.**

_How about Jackass?_

**No.**

_Mind buddy?_

**No. **He sounded annoyed.

_Brain bitch?_

**What? _NO!_**

_How about Something cool like...Zebulon?_

**...What else's do you have. Not that it's a bad name, I just don't think it suites me.**

_Decimus?_

**Hmm...**

_How about...OH! RAGNAROK! _

**Why Ragnarok? **He sounded confused.

_It sounds cool._

He didn't reply afterward, so I assumed he agreed. Congratulations on your new name, Ragnarok!

...

...I'm bored.

_Wanna talk about what I am now?_

**Alright,** he sighed. I have a feeling he's gonna be doing that a lot.

**Now were did we leave off? Oh yes, I remember now.**

**Your kind has no official name. Different worlds have different names for you and it's rare that your kind meet. Like I said there's only a one in five thousand chance of your kind being born and there's an infinite number of worlds. What are the chances of meeting?**

_Out of curiosity, what are the names? For my 'kind' that is._

**Well, there's 'Getarnte Mann' which means 'Cloaked Man' in german. There is also 'Den Reborn' which means 'The reborn'. Ah, but there is one that is extremely un accurate, but also frequently used.**

_What is it?_ I asked curious_._

**Angel.**

_What? _Why Angel?

**They all have their own reasons. Some because they're convinced that they _are_ angels and others because of the things that can do.**

_What kind of things? And why 'Cloaked Man'?_

**You'll find out soon enough. **But I want to know now.

**You'll see**, He insisted.

I sighed. _Fine._

**Good. Now, something you _must_ know is what will happen after you die in this world.**

_What? There's more? Haven't I died enough? What will happen after I die again? What world is this?_ This is bullshit.

**Now, now. One at a time. To answer your questions; yes, there is more. There _will_ be a lot more dying where that came from, and this world is a parallel earth. Unlike your world, it _has_ a god. And before you ask, let me explain. **

_Go on._ I urged him.

**Your i****s strictly science based. Religion does not exist in your world. Though what may not exist in your world, may exist in others. For example, miracles. Your world doesn't have miracles. They are an event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws therefore, your world has none.**

_What about souls? Aren't they related to religion? R__eligion goes against science. _Does the people in my world have souls? This question kind of made me nervous. Normally, if it were anything else, I wouldn't have cared, but the idea of souls were extremely popular. If we didn't have souls, what did we have? Were we just walking flesh?

**Your world**, he said carefully,** has something close to souls. Not exactly souls, but something else. Something humans haven't discovered yet. **

_I...see. That's fine, I guess. So. What about dying again?_

_**Ah. Yes. Well, the next time you die, you'll end up in another world and the process will happen all over again. You'll wake up as a child and what happens next depends on you and where you are. **_

_So, it'll be like that forever?_ That does _not_ sound pleasant. At all.

**Yes. That is how you'll be spending the rest of your existence. But who knows?Maybe you'll end somewhere you recognize. There has been cases of...'****Getarnte Mann' awakening in stories they remember reading or watching. **

Surprised, I replied. _Really?_

_**Yes. In fact, it's not uncommon. It is very likely that it will to happen to you.**_

Well, I'm not gonna lie, that sounds kind of cool. Maybe I'll meet a favorite character or something. On the other hand, dying and waking up somewhere else will probably get old. And doing it for the rest of my existence? No matter _what_ you believe in, this _has_ to be punishment.

_What's the _point_ in all this? __Why__ is this happening?_

**There is no reason. **He sounded calm. Like this was everyday information.

_No. There has to be a reason. _

**There is none. **

_But it doesn't make any sense! Is this punishment?!_

**No. You just evolved. **

_I don't understand-!_

**There is no need to understand. **He cut me off. **Whether you do or don't matters not. You will forever continue to exist. You will forever wonder. I'm sorry. But that's just they way things are, Ms. Scarlet. I'm sorry if I sounded harsh, but that's reality and you have to face it. **

...

**On the bright side, you'll be able to do many things that you weren't able to do in your first life. **He said trying to cheer me up.

...

**Ms. Scarlet?**

_...Good night, Ragnarok. _I said to him.

**...Good night, Ms. Scarlet, **He replied softly.

...

Fuck my existence.

* * *

So there it is! I updated! Yay! Ragnarok is such a cool name. Anyway, hoped you liked this chapter. Please review. Sorry for errors.


	4. Chapter 2

**Christmas is coming~! Here a new update! Enjoy!**

**Ragnarok talking.**

"English/normal."

"_Airgean_."

_Thoughts_

* * *

It's been one year since my arrival to the this world and a few interesting things has happened. Blonde took me in and is currently my guardian. She doesn't have a family, so she has the place to herself. I never bothered trying to ask. Wasn't any of my business. After my first day in this world, she brought a man home. They spoke, often glancing and gesturing towards me. After that, the man walked up yo me and gave me a long look. He tried asking me questions, but I'd always give him the same answer. "I don't understand."

I'm pretty sure they they were debating about what they were going to do with me. I didn't know who the man was, or what his connection to Blonde was, but there wasn't much I could ask at the moment. It couldn't be helped.

He gave me another long look, confusion and caution in his eyes. He looked back at Blonde and gave her a concerned look. After that, Blonde ushered me of into my room and closed the door. Three days after, I guess she convinced him of whatever because I was still here.

Of course, my stay wasn't quiet. Sometimes, Blonde would take me with her to go get food from the market. The market was very small. It was just a small wooden house with some fruit displayed outside and a man speaking to a women, possibly trying to get her to buy something. The man looked our way and waved. Blonde waved back. Curious, the woman looked in the direction the man was facing and smiled. But the smile soon turned into a look of surprise when she noticed me.

_"__Eubelle, Margoien. Eron,__"_She greeted them.

_"Eubelle,"_ They hesitantly greeted back.

_"Kepeé mo..."_ That's when I stopped listening. They were speaking a whole nother language, it wasn't like I could understand them anyway. Getting bord with the other three, I begun to doze off when-

"_Scarlit_!" Blonde yelled, rudely interrupting me from my dozing.

"What?" I called out quickly.

All three of them were staring at me. "What?" I repeated. Blonde kneeled down to my height and pointed to the male adult.

_"Eron,"_Was his name.

_"__Margoien__," _Was the woman's name.

I pointed to myself and introduced myself the same way with an uninterested look on my face. I thought we came to shop, not socialize. I always found socializing too troublesome. I didn't like talking to people without a real purpose. And wanting to be someone friend does not count. I don't need friends.

**Then what's your relationship with Nana and the two sirs?**

_Food, shelter, clothes._

**Then you'er using them?**

_Not exactly-_

_"Scarlit!"_

I snapped my attention back on the three Who were again looking at me as if expecting me to say something.

"What?" I asked, annoyed.

**I am beginning to think that that's your favorite word.**

_Stuff it._

_"__Dino é et non capeono se__?" _The woman, Margoien, asked.

"God! Stop talking to me, I can't understand you!" Is what I wanted to say.

Instead I said, "I don't understand."

Blonde finally stepped in with the crayon and paper she had started to carry around, and drew something.

Ever since I had gotten here, they had been teaching me their language, which is called _Airgean_. They'd talk to me and ask simple questions like, how are you, how old are you, stuff like that. When I couldn't understand what they were saying or vise versa, we'd just draw what every we were asking.

The other two on lookers watched in interest. When she finished, she showed me a drawing of a forest, an arrow pointing towards the forest, and what appeared to be me.

_"Are you really from the forest?" _Is what I guess they were asking. This is gonna get old fast. I sighed.

_How annoying._

* * *

I was in a bad mood for the rest of that day.

Everywhere we went, we kept getting stares and people asking the same god damn question.

_"Are you really from the forest?" _Or_ "Are you that boy from the forest?"_

What did these guys do? Run around and yell, _"HEY EVERYONE! WE FOUND THIS NAKED KID IN THE WOODS!"? Ugh._

And the people were acting as if this was the most interesting thing that had ever happened in this village. Though I wouldn't be surprised, really. The village was pretty small and as far as I know, in the middle of no where.

When the sun finally began to set, we headed back over to our small home.

* * *

I looked in the mirror with my back towards it, and stared at the large burn on my back. The burn that I had _somehow _miss when I bathed during my first stay here. _I must have been really tired or something to not have notice this. Why is this here? I died and my body has changed so...wait how does this work?_

**Some things on your body won't change. Mostly a****ppearance wise. For example, the small bags under your eyes along with hair, eye color, and-**

_Then why the _fuck_ did my gender change? _

**It's a defect. Like I said, I'm sure your not alone.**

I said nothing back. I was still annoyed about suddenly _dying_, and being told:

_**Hey, congrats! The next time you wake up, you won't be human!**_ Even though I don't feel very different. Besides the change.

**_You'll be spending the rest of you existence dying and waking up in different worlds...just cause! _**I still want an actual answer.

_**Oh, and your a little boy now, but I'm sure you'll get used to it**. _The hell I will.

_HAHA! YOU'ER FUCKIN DEFECTIVE!_ I hate you.

I'm so lucky. (Insert sarcasm here)

**Listen Ms. Scarlet, the reason your going spending your existence the way you are is the same reason as to why the grass is green or the sky blue. It just is.**

And yet I still couldn't believe it.

When I actually had the time to think about what Ragnarok said about there being a one in five thousand chance of your kind being born and there's an infinite number of worlds and about how rare it was to meet another, I found it unlikely.

There are over seven billion people on earth and they'er probably several versions of earth with around the same number of people. Seven billion people. And only one out of five thousand aren't human. That's still a lot of people and I find it unlikely that it's as rare as Ragnarok says it is.

Maybe he's hiding something. You never know, maybe Ragnarok is really an evil voice in my head that-

Yeah, never mind. But still...

* * *

I didn't get any answers until a month later when Blonde took me to her family's tomb stones. By then, I could ask short simple questions and she'd give me short simple answers. I could follow a few simple instructions and understand a few more words.

I followed Blonde with my hand in her's and in her other hand, three roses. We walked to the small hill at the edge of the village and beyond it were several graves of different sizes.

We walked up the hill and stopped at three grave stones. Those stone most likely could have belonged to her family. I say most likely (even though it should be obvious) because I can't read. The language I mean, not in general.

Blonde let go of my hand and stared at the grove stones, a look of sadness in her eyes.

She said a few things and then placed a rose on each grave stone. The only word I could understand was, "_Sorry."_

Now, due to my lack of socialization, I had no clue of how to comfort someone. So when Blonde fell to her knees and started sobbing, I had now idea of what to do.

So I just stood there awkwardly.

And Blonde kept crying.

...

Oh god, the awkwardness. I can't take it!

_What do I do?! I don't know what to do!_ My mind slightly panicking.

**Hug her.**

_Huh?_

**Just do it. Hurry!**

I jumped and quickly did as I was told. Then, out of no where like a gazelle suddenly ramming a cyclist**(1)**, I felt a strange feeling come over me. It felt...pleasant seemed like the right word to use. What was happening to me? The longer I hugged, the better the feeling got until the it quickly vanished.

Wow.

Still trying to remember that oh so nice feeling, I hadn't noticed Blonde pull back from the hug. Her eyes were red and puffy and there were dried tears on her cheeks, but some how, she had looked better. Better as in she looked as if a large burden had been taken off her shoulders. I finally remembered Blond was still here and looked up to see relief on her face as she looked down at me. She said a few things to me. But all I understood was,

"_Thank you._"

Then she hugged me again. I let her.

* * *

"So what happened earlier?" I asked Ragnarok eagerly. I _really_ wanted to know what caused such a pleasant feeling.

_**That**_** is something your kind depends on to live.**

"I'm not getting it. Explain further, please." I _really_ wanted to know.

**The way your kind eats is very different from the way humans eat. Instead of food, they feeds off certain types of feelings, emotions, and something specific from the state of mind. Did you notice that you don't feel hunger?**

"Huh? I don't?" I asked confused. Actually, now that you mention it, when was the last time I felt hungry?

**It's because you feed off of others emotion. Their _despair_ to be exact.**

Despair?

Oh...

_Despair..._

_Just like before..._

**And when you consume their despair or the following feelings such as hopelessness, disheartenment, depression and etc., (which make up despair) those feelings will disappear from whom you are feeding off of. For example: Nana. That would make you the 'Holder of Despair'.**

'Holder of Despair'? What does that mean?

**I know how you don't like the other names for your kind, so I thought 'Holder', another name for your kind, would do. **

"It's better than all the others," I agreed.

**Splendid.**

"So, about that not feeling hunger thing...do I still need water?"

**Yes. **He answered.

Strange. I don't know why, but I felt calm about this information. I guess it's because nothing's changed too much.

**Of course, there is something else I need to tell you. Something important.**

"What is it now?"

**Remember what I said about there being a one in five thousand chance of your kind being born and about how rare it was to meet another. There's a reason for that.**

"Oh yeah. Mind telling me what that reason is?" Tell me everything.

**It's because if one were to be consumed by what they should be consuming, in your case despair, then they would die. And stay dead. No coming back. That's why they never meet. Because most of them never live long enough to meet another.(2)**

And that's when I flipped. "W-what the hell?! When did you plan on telling me this?!" I yelled, panicked.

**Now.** He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the fucking world.

"You know what I mean!" I practically screamed at him.

_Click. _The door opened.

"_Shi kean nèe?_" It was Blonde with a tired yet worried look on her face.

_Are you all right? _Is what she was asking.

_"Er...H-hen,"_ I stuttered nodding. She hesitantly nodded and left, closeting the door behind her.

I sighed in relief. That was close. Blonde was a nice girl. She was caring and thoughtful of others, but she had the temper of a bull. If we keep waking her up, I might not have a place to live anymore.

**I was planning on telling you after you've had your first 'meal'.**

"What if something happened before that?" I whispered. Had to keep it down. I could always talk to him in my head, but I found easier this way. My mind tended to doze off a lot.

**Then something would have happened. **Why you...

**What matters is that nothing _did_ happen. So there's no point in thinking about what ifs.**

I hate you.

**But I guess I should tell you something else as well.**

Oh God, THERES MORE?!

**But this new information will be the most ****beneficial.**

Oh? Do go on.

**Do you recall what I said about a few of your kind calling themselves 'Angels'?**

"Yeah..." Go on. Do I have wings or something?

**No, you do not have wings, Ms. Scarlet. For this to work, I need you to pretend that you are wearing a cloak.**

"What the? Why would I... Ok then." I decided not to argue. I closed my eyes and did what he said. _I should really get used to this shit._

...

...

...

Nothing.

I opened my eyes and was about to ask the voice what the point in all this was, when it noticed something out of the corner of my eye.

What is that?

I turned to face it, but it moved as well. It looked like a small, tattered piece of cloth. I made a grab for it and was surprised when I tugged it. When I pulled it, it pulled me back with it.

Wha...?

I walked over to the mirror, hand still grasping the pitch black cloth and gasped.

_**That,**_ he started, **is your 'cloak'.**

"My cloak? Ah! 'The cloaked man'!"

**Yes, this will come in handy. It's not really a cloak, but your kind finds it easier to call it one. You wouldn't understand what it really was even if I explain it to you, so please do not ask.**

"Why would this come in handy?"

**It's convenient,** He explained,** _very _convenient. It allows you to store items in it and is guaranteed to keep them safe. You'll never lose them. Think of it as a...what do humans call it? Oh yes! A hammer space! Thats it.**

"Ok, first, I would like to say that that sounds like something straight out of a video game. Second, that doesn't make any sense. This thing is thin. It's cloth! And third, what does this cloak have to do with angels?"

**Well, video game ideas came from _somewhere._ And what you have there is not cloth. It's made up of the despair you've collected. It's small because you've only consumed a small amount of despair. The more you eat, the bigger it will get, and the stronger you'll become. And like I said, your cloak is similar to that of a hammer space. That should be self explanatory.**

"You said I'd get stronger?" I questioned. That's what really got my attention.

**Your athletic ability will increase as you consume more despair.**

You make it sound like I'm gaining experience points.

**Again, _where do you that the idea came from?_**

_Despite the fact that this sounds like a some shitty video game, that actually sounds pretty interesting._ "So I can just put items in my cloak? How?"

**Just open the inside and put something in there, **he instructed.

I did what he said and lifted the cloak so I could see the inside.

...!

_Wow. _The inside of the cloak was pitch black just like the out side, but somehow seemed...darker? It was almost like it was a black hole or something. Like it would pull me in if I stared long enough. _Jesus..._

**Ms. Scarlet, **Ragnarok said, snapping me out of my daze.

_Oh. Yeah, I all most forgot._ I grabbed the hair brush from on top of the dresser and brought it up to the inside of the cloak and dropped it in. "Holy shit! The fuck?" I yelled, though keeping my voice down. Didn't want to wake blonde. "It worked! It's gone!"

**Of course it is. Why would I lie? You really should start trusting me more.**

**"Shut up. So how do I get it back?"**

**...**

"Ragnarok?"

**My apologies, but I do believe someone told me to 'shut up.'**

"Are you serious?"

**...**

"Ragnarok."

**...**

"Fine! I'm sorry! I take it back!"

**You don't sound very sorry.**

"Ragnarok, _please!_" I practically begged.

He chuckled. **Alright, alright.**

Finally! I need that brush back! I can't live without it! My hairs a fucking birds nest _with_ a brush, you don't want to know what it looks like without it.

**Reach in and pull it out.**

**"But I can't _see_ it," I argued.**

**Just trust me and do it, **he said patiently.

So I did. I reached in and for a few seconds felt nothing. Just as i was about to pull out, something touched my hand. I grabbed it and pulled it out. It was the brush.

_Aw sweet! This is awesome!_

"Oh, and before I forget. Why do my kind call themselves 'Angels'?"

**It's an ability the stronger ones can do. You'll find out more in time. It'll be easier that way and less confusing.**

"Alright." I didn't argue this time. Maybe I should just trust him. He hasn't been wrong yet.

**Alright, it's getting late. You should get some rest.**

I looked out the window. He's right, it's dark as shit out side. "Night, Ragnarok." I climbed into my bed and finally went to sleep. **Good night, **was the last thing l heard.

* * *

**Extra**

That boy is strange.

Never have I ever see any thing like him.

When we first came across him in the forest, I was-WE were surprised. Where did he come from? What language was he speaking? WHO was he? Why was he so CUTE?!

Scarlit. Such a weird name.

Later, I found that I could communicate with him through drawings. His parents are dead. What has he been doing while his parents were dead? What was he doing in the forest? What happened to his parents? The more answers I get, the more questions pop up. And sometimes he won't give me any answers. He'll just ignore me or turns head and grunts.

What a strange boy.

* * *

I talked with one of the Village leaders and told them about Scarlit.

At first, he seemed uncertain and wanted to see the boy for himself. He studied Scarlit as if he were some new type of animal breed or something. I could tell Scarlit looked uncomfortable. Finally, he looked at me and I took Scarlit into his room. He told me that as long as the boy doesn't cause too much trouble and if he doesn't to any do any thing too suspicious, then he can stay.

What was he so worried about?

Later that day, I noticed Scarlit had a bad habit of drifting off at random times. He also liked to keep to himself and ignore everything and everyone around him.

What a weird boy.

* * *

There were times when I'd take him shopping for some fresh air.

He didn't like that.

I could tell he was quickly getting annoyed by all the questions how was receiving. I stopped taking him after a few times because he was usually in a bad mood for almost the rest of the day. And when he was in a bad mood, he was not cute.

The kid would have an attitude with everything and was easily annoyed.

What a troublesome boy.

* * *

I tried getting him to say my name, Nana, but that normally ends in failure.

"Say Nana."

"Nana."

"Now," I pointed to myself. "Nana."

"Blonde," he'd always say.

What does that even _mean_? He does the same thing with Adem and Coelen too and they even tried bribing him with sweets to get him to say their names. The little brat knows what he's doing and it amuses him greatly.

No matter how hard we try, he'll never say our names.

But I won't give up.

You won't win, you little brat!

* * *

**And done! I know I suck, but I think this is the best i've ever written. I'm working on a new story right now with my friend. It'll take place in KHR! See ya!**

**(1)Did anyone see that video? Funny as hell. Don't own it.**

**(2)If someone were un fortunate to have something like happiness so sadness, then they wouldn't last long.**


End file.
